by Tessa Lena. Originally published on her Substack.
This story is about dealing with the bulldozer with grace and without fear. It is also about staying humble and not accidentally becoming the ugly thing we want to go away. There is a Great Reset context to all this—but first, I want to deal with the timeless.
This story is about dealing with the bulldozer with grace and without fear. It is also about staying humble and not accidentally becoming the ugly thing we want to go away.
As a preamble, a personal tale.
Years ago, I ran away from the gloom of the Russian martyrdom culture. The reason I emigrated to America had nothing to do with politics, it was because I didn’t know how to deal with that gloom. It was oppressive and moralizing, I felt stifled, I didn’t want to constantly choose between castrating what felt important to my soul and somehow disappointing the people around me by being who I wanted to be, etc. etc.
While I was still a kid, the fanatical “communist” moralizing transformed overnight into fanatical moralizing with religious overtones—same pressure, same collective gloom, different talking points—and I wanted nothing to do with gloom or behavior driven by anxiety. I wanted to understand the meaning of life and do what I like.
That plot is a story of its own, and my fleeing the gloom led to various dramatic things that, bizarrely, prepared me for 2020. But for the sake of this story, let’s fast-forward to the time a few years ago, when my mom came over to visit me in New York, started having health problems, and ended up living with me in my not-very-spacious studio apartment in New York.
In terms of being close to each other during the entire WTF COVID era, it was a 100% godsend—but it was also difficult because, well, it faced me with all the things I tried to escape!
My mom and I love each other completely. And even though, when I was growing up, our relationship wasn’t perfect, and there have been plenty of imperfect behaviors on both ends—the love, from here and into the infinite sky, has always been there. She is my heart of hearts, I love her completely.
My mom and I love each other completely. And even though, when I was growing up, our relationship wasn’t perfect, and there have been plenty of imperfect behaviors on both ends—the love, from here and into the infinite sky, has always been there.
However, it seems like the generation of my parents was traumatized in a particular way (which I think is very similar to how the generation of young kids is being traumatized today). They were raised (in excruciating poverty) to believe that (A) if you have a critique or a “suggestion” for another human being, it is necessary to say it out loud, and (B) the way to love children is to constantly “adjust” them to (martyrdom-based) rules, to “correct” them, and to steer them toward “what’s proper.” Which is kind of the opposite of what I like to do with my life. I have a special resentment against external rules that I have not accepted myself, and I make it a point to disregard them, for my peace of mind.
I have a special resentment against external rules that I have not accepted myself, and I make it a point to disregard them, for my peace of mind.
But there is this love we have! Every breath taken by my mom comes from love for me. That much I know. And all the rule torture, all the worry-driven neck-breathing, all of it comes from love. It took me years to understand!
And so many times, I would devise a perfect conversation in my head trying to explain my soul, I would find the best words, I would imagine how I would say them, and finally, years-old misunderstandings would melt away, and love would express itself exactly how my heart desires … and I would attempt that conversation, and sometimes there would be progress, but more often it would totally not go the way I intended, and my entire beautifully assembled tower would collapse in a torturous way, and I would have to wait, and try again, and pray, and learn a lot about patience and faith because that seemed to be the only thing I had. I had nothing else, just my desire to do the right thing, my faith in good energy, and my prayer for healing!
The process of spiritual shaping is mysterious, but as a result of these love-centered attempts (not all of which were smooth), I became more balanced, more patient, and significantly stronger, and I acquired some understanding of existential things that can only be acquired through experience. I can’t explain them, but I feel them. And I realized that with sufficient patience, things eventually resolve, but it’s important to stay positive and not give up and not get too hung up on personal pain even if it objectively exists.
Which is to say, it’s important to be able to tolerate a certain amount of pain but not get addicted to martyrdom or to “being right,” and it’s important to learn to choose the feeling of love and humility (the non-depressing kind) and faith in spiritual joy over the mechanical logic of ideas or the mechanical logic of pain, and keep at it until it works. And then keep maintaining it with love because things don’t just freeze up in time once resolved, there is always more growth, etc. The funny thing, it’s difficult to tolerate pain, and it’s difficult to let go of it once there is no longer the need. I am trying to dance this dance in the best way, every day of my life. I don’t know anything else.
I am trying to dance this dance in the best way, every day of my life. I don’t know anything else.
I also realized that everything is really fueled by love, and the point of everything is love—but it is very far from mechanical perfection, and the entire process of life is about giving it our best, trying to do the right thing in earnest, and surely making mistakes, and surely dealing with other people’s mistakes, and healing the messes with child-like dedication to healing them, and moving forward with love and trust in the kindness of the universe.
In all this, there is barely any mechanical logic or perfection, or unison of habits or opinions, or anything that is under our control (the only thing we have a lot of control over is our dedication to doing the right thing at all times, and be fair to others as well).
It somehow ends up being this mysterious process of creation, a dance that is fully alive, that it comes from the longing of our hearts for being whole and at home.
And I have observed that happy humility is a big part of it because in the process of growing, we always make messes—and so do other people—and hopefully, from that we obtain more clarity, more grounding, and stronger love, and then we heal the messes, leave all the crap behind, and move on, without holding back to the old. I think mistakes and healing are built in how the world works. And because mistakes are a part of life, it’s pointless to lament the fact of their existence or to seek mechanical perfection from ourselves or others. Mechanical perfection does not exist. Perfect “others” do not exist. It’s a dance that is fully alive, and that is the truth (I think)!
And because mistakes are a part of life, it’s pointless to lament the fact of their existence or to seek mechanical perfection from ourselves or others. Mechanical perfection does not exist. Perfect “others” do not exist.
What doesn’t work, however, is fear.
I’ve personally done stupid things out of fear. Therefore, when others do it, I feel like they deserve some existential slack. (In balance, always in balance; it is our obligation to maintain our dignity all times—but without anxiety or anger or ascribing too much screwing-up power to other people.)
I think that we are primarily responsible for our own choices, and it makes absolute sense to do our very very best to minimize our own messes. And when we do act stupid for whatever reason, I believe we are under a spiritual obligation to fix our messes as much as possible and learn from the mistakes in the direction of spiritual clarity and love. However, when others make mistakes, they are generally allowed to do so in the grand scheme of things, it’s not our job to immediately don a judge outfit and start the trial. It is hard to explain, but I am not saying it out of some theoretical principle, I have found it to be the best practical approach, at least in my experience.
If other people’s mistakes impact us, it becomes a part of our spiritual challenge, and we have to deal with it in the moment, case by case, with love, with maximum dignity and with no fear. I believe that if our compass is on doing what’s right, things eventually lead us to a place where we say, “Wow, all that crap we had to go through, now it makes sense!” (For example, years ago I went through a rather horrible abusive marriage, really really horrible—but come 2020, and I was like, “This is bullshit, I have seen this movie, so no thanks.”)
I believe that if our compass is on doing what’s right, things eventually lead us to a place where we say, “Wow, all that crap we had to go through, now it makes sense!”
It is certainly difficult when somebody close to us is acting in a way that hurts us, or when there is a circumstance like now where a lot of people are acting like a fear-driven crowd running helter-skelter. What helps me personally is remembering that other people have a soul and a relationship with the mystery of life, and we can pray for our safety and clarity, and their clarity and reconnection to their soul. That is the only way I know. Some situations are just difficult and don’t have a formula, it’s on us to work on difficult situations when they arise, and I believe that with enough patience, things eventually return to happiness on the individual level, no matter the condition of the world. And then at one point, the world will have to follow suit (but we don’t know when).
How does it all relate to COVID and the Great Reset?
Well, what we are facing today provides us with plenty of opportunity to deal with uncertainty and the messes! AND, I am seeing a bit of bile and some unnecessary microsplits among the people who all agree on the need to resist the Great Reset and many of whom do a ton of very meaningful things! (“Do viruses exist? What is the exact configuration of the 5D chess in Ukraine? You either agree with me 100% on everything or you are obviously not very smart and possibly a horrible person and need to be called out.” Spoiler alert: I think this behavior is a great loss.)
Let me state my position: I think that the energy feeding the Great Reset is kind of the same energy that compels good people to get all arrogant toward their fellows and demand a “conversion” to their “obviously correct” point of view! It is that fear-based behavior that whispers into one’s ear that if we don’t “correct” everyone now, they will screw things up, and we will suffer unjustly … but the world is complex!
Yes, it’s a big a mess. Yes, the great resetters are marching full-speed and unleashing a military operation on the people of the world, and it’s disgusting, disgusting, and disgusting. It’s disgusting!!!!! Yes, the situation calls for our courage and our best clarity and love.
But is the salvation going to come from imposing our undoubtedly correct opinion on others and showering anyone who disagrees with contempt? (Isn’t it the approach that started the whole mess to begin with thousands of years ago?) And can we even “correct” anyone by force? Furthermore, I think no one is in the position to understand the entire big picture, and what leads to what. All we really know is what feels true to us (which is important for our own choices and often takes a ton of courage to defend—but again, there is a huge difference between standing up for one’s truth and being fanatical about it).
And while definite, physical facts matter—obviously, and a lot—many things in this world are far more complex and uncertain than any of us would prefer, when we are in our “managerial” mind.
So, here’s how I feel about it (and my feeling is strong). Speaking one’s truth is crucial. Very important. Defending one’s truth is beautiful. But it’s not good to be overly sensitive and get pissed off when someone disagrees—militant missionary activities usually lack depth. I personally feel—with passion, this is my truth— that fighting the Great Reset by cultivating the emotion that feeds it in the first place is a great loss! Humility and respect for other people’s mystery are good! And so is faith in the wisdom of the universe, which absolves us from the burden of having a final and ultimate answer to every question of history of science this very moment and demanding agreement from others!
Speaking one’s truth is crucial. Very important. Defending one’s truth is beautiful. But it’s not good to be overly sensitive and get pissed off when someone disagrees—militant missionary activities usually lack depth.
I am going to go all bold and say that I care a lot less about anyone’s view on “whether viruses exist” or on the exact configuration of any 5D chess—including the painful and so far very murky 5D chess being played by my two empire-minded homelands in Ukraine to the detriment of common people—than I care about their spiritual strength and even-headedness that compels them to be humble, strong, and to handle differences in opinions with grace and without fear or anger.
Regardless of whether there is such thing as a bit of genetic material that can order host cells to make copies of itself (“a virus”), we are currently being swindled and marched off the cliff. The biosecurity concept is only one of many things on which we are being swindled! We’ll have plenty of time to argue about the true nature of viruses when we solve the immediate challenge at hand. We are certainly not going to solve anything by “condemning” people who are doing great work but disagree with us (either way) on the true nature of viruses.
Since when do human beings have the ability to solve scientific issues once and for all? Seriously, since when?
Since when do human beings have the ability to solve scientific issues once and for all? Seriously, since when?
In my experience, the inability to handle differences in opinion is a symptom of lacking faith in the wisdom of the bigger universe—and the tendency to get irritated at differing opinions is not very helpful in resisting the Great Reset, which is today’s face of the System of Domination (because that emotion is the system of domination).
I think that if there is anything that can lead us out of this pending robotic gloom, and the march toward the 4IR, it’s a concerted effort to do everything from love, and to be as strong and wise as we can, in each moment of time. It is not as glamorous as “outrage likes” or being a commissar on a horse—but I think it is far more useful in the practical sense.
Human beings are meant to be complex, we develop as we live, and some processes that lead to balance and clarity only work when left mysterious. If we allow ourselves to freak out and desire mechanical compliance with our opinion of the day … well, then we are not really fighting the Great Reset—we just want the Great Reset to be called something else and to conform to our opinions. Which, personally, I am going to resist. 🙂
So Meta, Big Data: The World in a Nutshell
And for no reason other than to cheer myself up, here is an Armenian song that I sent once before.